Child to parent abuse is more widespread than you might assume and if a parent discloses a problem, it is highly likely they will do so to their child’s school. Michelle John explains how we might handle such disclosures


Sadly, being alert to the potential signs of abuse is something school staff know about all-too-well. But what about when it’s the child themselves who is displaying abusive behaviour towards their parental figure?

This is known as child to parent abuse (CPA) and it’s more widespread than you may think.

CPA often goes unrecorded and unreported, and we have barely scratched the surface when it comes to researching and understanding this type of behaviour.

The research which has been done identifies that it is likely to affect at least 3% of households – that would mean there are more than 800,000 families in the UK dealing with the impact of this type of abuse (Baker & Bonnick, 2021).

Research by the Mayor of London’s Violence Reduction Unit (2021) found that incidents began rising during Covid lockdowns, and 40% of parents or carers who experienced violence by their children between 2011 and 2020 refused to report it.

I was not aware of it – despite having a family law and domestic abuse background – until I became one of the parents experiencing abusive behaviours from my child, and sadly that is when I also became aware of the real lack of support, infrastructure and professional knowledge.

That’s why I set up PEGS – we provide services which support parents, carers and guardians (while working alongside other child-focused intervention organisations), as well as training front-line professionals including school staff, raising awareness, and consulting with authorities to inform policies and practices.

After two years, we already have almost 700 parents in a private peer support group and more than 100 referrals coming in each month.


What is CPA?

CPA involves a child of any age (including adult offspring) displaying abusive behaviours towards their parental figure – often others in the home including siblings and pets are targeted too.

Abuse can take a physical form (hitting, biting, kicking) emotional, or might include coercion and control, threats. It might be financial (theft, damaging items, taking out credit cards in the parent’s name), or it might entail sexualised behaviour, inappropriate language, or assault.

Disturbingly, 62% of our parents are physically attacked at least once a week, including 21% who are harmed every single day. The Mayor of London research found that the majority of CPA cases involved boys in late adolescence and their mothers, and most likely centred around physical violence.

But there is currently no set legal definition of CPA which can make identification more difficult, although we have worked alongside the Home Office to ensure CPA has been included within the guidance documents associated with last year’s Domestic Abuse Act.

Generally we recognise CPA as being more severe than expected childhood boundary-pushing behaviour, to the point where the parent is fearful of their child’s actions and it has an overwhelming impact on their life.

The majority of our parents have left work or reduced their hours, many describe isolation and loneliness after being alienated by friends or family, they use avoidance tactics to try and minimise the risk of an incident occurring, and a feeling of “walking on eggshells”.


Who does CPA impact?

While there are certain factors which seem to be linked to CPA. Adoptive families seem to have a higher prevalence of CPA, as do families where the child has previously witnessed or been a victim of abuse. A diagnosed or suspected learning disability can also increase the likelihood.

When it comes to demographics, we see a broad range of families seeking support – we have parents who are lawyers, social workers, doctors, and teachers. Similarly, the age of the child has little bearing. The majority of parents report the behaviour of their child had escalated well before their teenage years, with many recalling abusive incidents starting when they were as young as five. Almost 50% of the parents we work with have their child enrolled in mainstream school.


What can teachers do?

If a parent discloses a problem, it is highly likely they will do so to their child’s school – a survey of our parents found that of those who had sought help from a professional 88% had contacted a teacher or member of support staff.
It is important to remember that there may be absolutely no indication at school that there is any problem with abuse at home. We often find children are behaving within the boundaries of school rules and norms and then displaying abusive behaviours at home.

Furthermore, where children are not attending school, keep CPA in mind as a potential factor – 14% of school-age children displaying abusive behaviours at home will refuse to go to school, sometimes as a way of controlling or coercing their parent or causing the parent to worry that they will be fined or prosecuted.

So, how can we handle any disclosures from parents or carers?

If a parent discloses, keep in mind that believing them is crucial – even where there are no behavioural issues at school. When parents don’t feel they have been listened to or believed, they are less likely to ask for support again, increasing the risks for them going forward as incidents are likely to escalate.

Parents know their situation better than anyone, so ask them what they feel they need, where they’d like to get support, and what the school can put in place to help.

Remember: there may be no outward signs that there are any problems, although a parent may regularly have physical injuries, or may be reluctant to discuss the child’s behaviour in front of them (for fear of triggering an incident later).


Signposting to other professionals

Parents can be signposted to professionals such as their GP, social care, or the early help team, as well as organisations such as Adoption UK (if appropriate) and Samaritans (if they need to talk to someone confidentially). PEGS offers free services including virtual drop-in sessions, a closed peer support group, one-to-ones, empowerment programmes, workshops and advocacy. Referrals can be made by the parent themselves or by any professional on their behalf.


Employer covenant

PEGS has partnered with the government to create the CPA covenant, which all schools can sign up to – receiving a free training session, resources, and on-going support from PEGS to ensure they have CPA-specific policies and practices in place.

  • Michelle John is the founder of PEGS, a UK social enterprise raising awareness of child to parent abuse. Visit www.pegsupport.com


SecEd Autumn Edition 2022

  • This article first appeared in SecEd's Autumn Edition 2022. This edition was sent free of charge to every secondary school in the country. A digital edition is also available via www.sec-ed.co.uk/digital-editions/

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