Blogs

With apologies to Jonathan Swift

Teaching staff
In a time of no jobs, no Sure Start, no EMA, no homes, no future, no hope, of massive tuition fees and rigorously formidable Latin Abacas, this 15 per cent of infants are doomed. Expendable. Surplus to the national effort. Ian Whitwham offers another mode

Half their poor teachers feel compelled to feed their croaking charges with their own provisions, such as nuts, apples and organic carrots. A silly liberal kindness, which nourishes only dependency. Moreover, many paups can’t digest this stuff. Why? Insufficient gnashers.

Camila Batmanghelidjh of Kids Company – a woman much given to the luxury of sentiment – sees “kids so malnourished they’ve lost their teeth”. A soup kitchen in the playground with Infant Complain or Thin Gruel might be kinder to their bleeding gums. But this is merely to tinker with the intractable. These unsightly infants are a scar upon this great nation. Desperate situations require desperate remedies.

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