Blogs

The obesity police 2

Teaching staff
“Little Kevin” is back on Ofsted Watch. He’s back on top of the East Bloc Roof with the zoom lenses and binoculars. He’s on a pony a week. I need all the help I can get.

What is it this time?

Obesity. Blobbies. Again? Your pupils are, according to UBO – the University of The Bleedin’ Obvious – the most obese on the planet. Fatter than ever! I thought this might be a good thing, a government target, what with their promotion of school canteens, sponsored by “Calories R Us”. And they’ve recently upped their game with the introduction of horse/dog/rodent burgers. And, even, it is rumoured, expelled pupils. 

The disenfranchised may well be coming back in pies. These wheezes have been harnessed to the flogging of playing fields, the draining of swimming pools, the cutting of sports, and the betrayal of the Olympic legacy. It all seemed like some ruthless programme to fatten up the paupers.

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