At the chalkface: Costume drama

The Hanson Academy in Bradford has sent home 248 pupils over three days for not wearing the correct school uniform. A bit harsh, but I suppose it saves teaching them. The received wisdom seems to be that to fail a Dress Code is to Fail In Life. It’s rather the opposite in my experience. How does uniformity make you think? How is it conducive to learning? The usual peccadilloes were punished – transgressive trousers, shoes, tattoes and “incorrectly positioned” ties. If you need all this caper to keep control, you’re surely sunk. Couldn’t the school have chilled a little?

Is school uniform more trouble than it’s worth? Is it even a bad thing? I used to think so. Most other countries – Finland, for example – don’t have it and seem to do much better than us. And isn’t it all a tad fascist, a mite creepy and Orwellian? My own school uniform – the complete Nigel Molesworth – was a sartorial nightmare, which rendered us both neutered and ludicrous. Shorts were instrumental to this. Perhaps we were just too sexy, and they were meant to keep “grils” away. They certainly succeeded. Mind you, the Nigella Molesworth look wasn’t that alluring. And how do shorts make you clever?