It has always been my belief that ultimately, leadership is about people. This is one of the central tenets of calm leadership. You can’t be a leader if no-one is following you. The very essence of being a leader only exists in relationship to other people – hence my view that it is how you relate to others that defines your leadership.
System, procedures, and policies are all very important for effective leadership. But these things are critical to supporting your leadership of others. Let me give you an example…
Calm leadership: A nine-part SecEd series
Patrick Cozier’s nine-part SecEd series on calm leadership is publishing all this year:
Part 1: What is calm leadership and why is it important? Published November 30, 2022
Part 2: Leadership of self: Developing a sense of perspective: Published January 17, 2023
Part 3: Imposter Syndrome: How to reduce the impact of this. Published February 20, 2023
Part 4: Everyone is out to get me! Dealing with the paranoia of leadership. Published March 27, 2023
Part 5: Leadership of people: The importance of human empathy and kindness (this article)
Part 6: Leadership is difficult: Embrace the role and value it. Published May 23, 2023
Part 7: The importance of honesty, integrity, and humility (due May/June)
Part 8: Optimism: It maintains us as leaders in the most challenging of times (due June)
Part 9: Don’t attempt to follow: Be the best leadership version of yourself (due July)
The computer says no!
Within my meeting structure (until relatively recently) there has been a weekly meeting between myself, my deputy heads, and my business manager to look at staffing matters – both long-term strategic and operationally urgent. As part of that routine, we would always look at the trips, visits and events applications and sign them off or (in rare cases) decline applications.
I was unable to attend one particular meeting a few years ago and in my absence an application for an event was refused because the member of staff had not submitted the application prior to the deadline.
I was not aware of this refusal until sometime later when it came to light during a conversation with the colleague who had made the application. In the next meeting, I asked why the event had been refused (answer: because the application was submitted late) and then why we had a deadline for applications (answer: to give sufficient time to ensure that arrangements are in place such as risk assessments, calendar checks, cover implications, etc.
My subsequent questions about this application were:
- Were the risk assessments in place and up to standard? Yes.
- Were arrangements around lesson cover in place and practical? Yes.
- Was there a calendar clash with other events? No.
- Were there any practical or logistical reasons to refuse the event? No.
- So why was the event turned down?
I very much detest the “computer says no” approach. I understand why it is there and that it serves a purpose. However, it can (as in this situation) remove a crucial element of personal and professional judgement – the human element that allows us to reach great decisions consistently.
As people we have huge capacity for understanding nuance, emotion and context and we have the ability to make sensible judgements.
It is not always the case that the system or processes that we have in place lead to the right or most sensible outcome. We must allow ourselves the room to make decisions supported by our systems and processes, but not allow those things to make the decisions for us.
Lead as you would want to be led
One of my biggest leadership lessons so far has been to keep remembering what it is like to be led by others. What works well and what doesn’t? How did I feel about the people that led me? I have always strived to be the kind of leader that I would have wanted to be led by.
An example from some years ago: one of my colleagues was denied a leave of absence by the headteacher to attend the funeral of his partner’s father, the reason being that he was not a “close relative” (computer says no). The very thought of that makes me shudder. I would never expect my staff to be placed in such a position.
This is how I prefer to ground my leadership decisions. I try to empathise, and I am comfortable allowing that sense of empathy and understanding to guide and influence my decisions. Empathy doesn’t cloud your judgement – it clarifies and enhances it.
Placing yourself in the position of those who you lead and really thinking about the impact of your decisions on them is an important habit to develop.
However, you cannot act alone. You cannot rely solely on your own perceptions to the exclusion of reflections from others – particularly those with whom you are trying to empathise.
Everyone carries a heavy load. Be kind to others
“If we all understood that everyone has their own battles to fight, insecurities to face, loves to contend, and goals to attain, the world would be a gentler place.”
Unknown
I remember a few years ago speaking to a parent at a year 10 parents’ evening about how her son was doing. He was having some struggles, but for the most part was doing well. His weakness was punctuality.
His mum told me she had a chronic illness that left her in pain and at times debilitated and unable to function. It transpired that our year 10 boy was getting up each morning, looking after mum, getting breakfast for his younger siblings, and getting them to nursery/primary school before then coming in.
None of us knew. She hadn’t wanted to cause a fuss. Immediately, our view towards the student changed. We went from “what time do you call this?” to “is everything okay? Great to see you make it in this morning!”
This is the power of understanding context – it immediately changes our thoughts, behaviours, and approaches to others. It makes us kinder and more sympathetic.
In the absence of such knowledge, one is free to assume that everyone is going through stuff you know nothing about. Whether this is true or not (and it almost certainly is), the impact it has on how we treat others is notable.
When we look at other people who are successful, we see where they are at now – not where they came from or the journey that they have travelled. It can make you believe that success is easy. It is not. It can make you believe that someone who is successful always was. They were not.
It can make you ignore the hard work, sacrifice, and persistence over a long period that is behind the talent you see today.
We must accept that we have no idea what everyone’s back story is or what they have been through or are going through now. It is safer to assume that everyone has their troubles and their burdens to bear – so be kind. Always.
Investing in people builds trust and loyalty…
…but this is a long-term process, and it takes courage to prioritise this over short-term results.
At the height of the pandemic, I was in a Zoom meeting with some headteachers. We were sharing thoughts about the task we faced in enforcing the government guidance and rules with regards self-isolation – a significant and stressful task.
The conversation turned to the issue of staff reporting a positive Covid test – the consequence of which being five days of self-isolation. The group discussed what forms of proof they would require from staff, such as asking for a photo of the positive test.
But my view was very different. I took the word of my staff – no screenshots or photos required. My default was to trust my staff and treat them as adults and professionals.
Don’t get me wrong – I am not naïve enough to think that some staff (I suspect a very tiny minority) took some level of licence under this approach. But I was prepared to tolerate that possibility (and the injustice of it) to convey what I felt was a more important message: “We trust you.”
The upshot of my approach is that staff feel trusted, and hence the level of openness and transparency within the school is high. Staff feel able to be honest with me about situations and circumstances, knowing that I will be understanding, empathetic and supportive.
Empathy and humanity are not soft nor weak.
“One of the criticisms I’ve faced over the years is that I’m not aggressive enough or assertive enough, or maybe somehow, because I’m empathetic, it means I’m weak. I totally rebel against that. I refuse to believe that you cannot be both compassionate and strong.”
Former New Zealand prime minister Jacinda Ardern
I’m a huge fan of Jacinda Ardern. This quote resonates strongly with me. Empathy, sympathy, understanding, and compassion are all critical to the leadership of people. However, some people can see these as weaknesses, and often assume that such character traits and approaches make a leader a soft touch.
This is not true. As a leader you will often have to take tough decisions – decisions that have potentially negative or upsetting consequences for others. Being humane does not make you avoid such decisions, but it will affect the way you arrive at such tough choices and how you handle them.
When people know you genuinely care about them and that you have their interests at heart, all conversations (even difficult ones) are much easier to have and usually “land” in a more palatable way.
Maintaining the care and dignity of others when having to take tough decisions is vital to calm leadership.
A great example of this comes with perhaps the biggest challenge in leadership – those “difficult conversations” with colleagues when things that are not going to plan or expectation.
Leaders who prioritise being empathetic can often doubt their ability to have such a conversation as they worry about the impact on a colleague. What I have learned over the years is that it is the empathetic leaders who are in fact best placed to have such conversations.
The very fact that you fear the impact of a challenging discussion on a colleague is significant. This worry about how it will land forces you to think about the best way to do it, how to phrase your words and deliver them with as much consideration as possible. None of this equates to avoiding challenge, failing to deliver important messages.
Final thoughts
Leading people is about getting the best out of them individually and collectively. From a collective point of view, organisation, systems, processes, direction, and vision are critical. You need to establish a culture that has everyone pulling in the same direction and working well together.
However, to build such a culture, one must also appeal to what inspires people and motivates them. This is where the human element comes in and this is much more about the example that a leader sets in how they treat people, how they seek to understand and empathise with people, how they show compassion in their approach and their decision-making, and how they empathise with the experiences of others.
If you treat people well, that inspires a reciprocal response and supports a culture of trust, safety, and openness. It helps to convey a sense of calm and care throughout the organisation that is so important for calm leaders to create.
As ever, I will leave you with a couple of challenges:
Lead as you want to be led: Think about the experiences you have had of being led by others. Who were the leaders who inspired you the most? Who were the ones you have the most admiration and respect for? Write down five things about those leaders that make you hold them in such high esteem. Now, with respect to those five things, where you are with your own leadership. What could you do to improve in each area?
Should the computer say no? Think about an occasion where following a system, process or protocol has led to the wrong outcome and you knew that it was wrong but still followed the computer. How did that make you feel? What was it that made the decision wrong? How would you do things differently, factoring in the human element and the gift of judgement that all we have.
I look forward to sharing more with you soon!
Patrick Cozier is an experienced secondary school headteacher of 16 years. He leads Highgate Wood School in Haringey. In addition to his day job, he chairs the Haringey Secondary Heads’ Forum and takes a leading role in the work of the Racial Equity Group (part of the Haringey Education Partnership). He serves as a trustee for the charity Show Racism the Red Card As a member of the black community, he is passionate about seeking equality, justice, and fair outcomes for people of colour. He is currently developing what he refers to as the “Calm Leadership Approach”. Find Patrick on Twitter @CalmLeadership and LinkedIn. And you can read his previous articles for SecEd and find his previous appearances on the SecEd Podcast, via https://bit.ly/seced-cozier